


Can't Even Save Myself

by RobinsonsWereHere



Category: Psych
Genre: AO3 needs more warnings, And stubborn, Fear of Heights, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Suicide Attempt, but she's also afraid of heights, found siblings, jules is good at keeping people from killing themselves, lassie is a good brother, references to 4x16, small references to a different one of my fics, suicide prevention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 06:44:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinsonsWereHere/pseuds/RobinsonsWereHere
Summary: Juliet and Lassiter go to stop a jumper, which Juliet is very good at. Only, the jumper is on top of the clock tower. Lassiter tells her (he doesn't beg, he never begs) not to go. She does anyway.





	Can't Even Save Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Juliet talks a man down from committing suicide. She has a panic attack. If you're sensitive to this sort of material, stop reading now. I have written lots of fluff if you wanna go read something else!

Lassiter is driving through the dark streets of Santa Barbara, O’Hara in his passenger seat, when the call comes over the radio.

_All units, we have a jumper on Drierre Avenue, repeat, suicide attempt in progress on Drierre Avenue._

O’Hara gestures to a street up ahead. “Right turn. We’re close.”

Lassiter recalls that his partner is uniquely skilled at convincing people not to kill themselves- he’s only seen it happen once or twice, but that was enough to show that she was simply better at connection than him or any of the other officers. He nods and takes the turn. It’s only when they arrive that he knows it’s not going to go well.

The dispatcher had failed to mention the exact location of the jumper, but once they find it, it’s unmistakable. There’s an ambulance and several squad cars and patrolmen standing there, all gazing up at a singular silhouette standing at the edge of Santa Barbara’s only clock tower.

“No,” he says, even as his partner reaches to open the door.

“Yes.”

“O’Hara, don’t.”

“Why not?”

“You know damn well why not.”

“I’m not going to let my fear stop me from helping someone who needs it.” He looks at her and even through the shadows, he can tell she’s determined.

“O’Hara,” he sighs, “there’s a difference between fear and PTSD.”

“Carlton, don’t you trust me to know my own limits?”

“Frankly, no. Not when it comes to this.”

“I’m going to help the guy. I’ll be down when I’m done.” She opens the door.

“You won’t be any help to him if you get up there and have a panic attack!” He’s only seen it happen once before- they’d found a body on a rooftop, not even near the clock tower, just on top of a parking garage. That one experience had been hard enough, had nearly scared him to death as it was. He has no desire to repeat it.

“We’re done talking about this.” Juliet slams the car door closed and stalks to the door leading into the clock tower. Lassiter groans aloud and drops his head into his hands.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Juliet takes the stairs two at a time, the exertion preventing her from getting too lost in the dread swirling in her brain. This puts her at the door to the balcony far too quickly, but she perseveres and shoves it open, striding out before she can stop to think about it. The roof is empty except for one young man, and she focuses only on him. Not on the view, not on the clock behind her, only on him.

“Hi,” she says, once she’s standing next to him. “What’s your name?”

“Elliot,” he responds. “Could you please leave me alone?”

“Well, Elliot, I’m worried if I leave, you’re going to do something drastic.”

“Like what, jump? That’s kinda the point.”

Juliet keeps looking at him and only him. “Why did you choose here?”

“Huh?”

“What makes this a place you’d want to die?”

“It’s grand. Cinematic.” Juliet tries not to flinch. “But it’s also an insignificant, hidden-away corner of town. My body will smear over a street no one uses and nobody will care.”

“I’ll care.”

Elliot scoffs. “You’ve just met me.”

“And I can tell that you’re an empathetic kid. You care, and you care so much that you just want to stop caring. Right?”

“Life sucks,” he grumbles. “It’s sucked for a long time. What’s the point?”

“That’s the thing. You won’t know until you find it. Maybe you’re reminded of the point every time you see your best friend, or maybe you meet someone who makes you feel happy in a way you’ve never felt before, and that’s the point. No matter what the point is to you, you just have to keep going until you find it.”

Elliot takes a step closer to the edge. “What if that’s too much work?”

Juliet swallows hard. “Ever heard the phrase, ‘you won’t know until you try’?”

He sighs. “You think I should keep trying.”

“You never know what might be around the corner.”

He steps back. “I guess I’m not quite to rock bottom yet.”

“Even if you were, there’s nowhere to go but up.”

Elliot sighs. “I’m tired. I want to go home.”

Juliet waves the units in the doorway forward. She intends to follow them, but she turns just the wrong amount. All of the sudden, she’s looking out over a horribly familiar view.

_Oh god. Oh, lord. No._

She knows she should walk away, or close her eyes, at the very least. But she can’t leave because she’s frozen to the spot, because she can feel the rope and taste the fabric and every tick of the clock reminds her what she has to fear and she knows, she _knows_ that’s not what this is, she’s here of her own free will but all she can do is stare and slowly succumb to the horrors in her mind.

She can’t even find the breath to scream.

|||||||||||||||||||||

Lassiter scowls as he sees two uniforms leading the jumper out of the clock tower. Well, that’s not exactly why he’s scowling. He’s mainly scowling because O’Hara isn’t following them.

“Where’s O’Hara?” he asks. They exchange glances.

“Uh…”

“She was right behind us…”

Lassiter swears and heads for the door, practically sprinting up the stairs at a rate reminiscent of stair climbs at the academy. He gets to the top and throws open the door and sure enough, O’Hara is standing far too close to the edge, her face ashen and her eyes alight with terror as she stares out at the nightscape.

“O’Hara,” he says gently. She doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, doesn’t give any indication that she’s heard him. She might not have. “O’Hara.” Still no response.

Lassiter gets closer, careful not to touch her. He knows startling her during a panic attack (that’s what this is, isn’t it? There’s no other explanation for why she’d be frozen like this) would be an exceptionally bad idea. He’d like to put himself between her and the view, but there’s just no room- she’s standing right by the rail. “Juliet,” he tries, his voice quiet.

She looks at him and he hears her breath catch in her throat. Now he knows she can see him, but her eyes are still reflecting nothing but fear. “Come on,” he continues, his voice still soft. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

With a hand on her shoulder, he guides her gently to the elevator. She stays stiff and doesn’t make a sound for the whole ride, but by the time they reach his car, she all but collapses into the passenger seat. Her breathing is ragged and sounds almost like sobs.

“Hey, O’Hara. Juliet. You’re alright.” Carlton lays a gentle hand on her arm. Shivering is too calm a word to describe how her entire body is shaking, how he can _see_ the tremors coursing through her. “Juliet, you’re not up there anymore. All of that is far behind you. You’re safe now. I promised, remember? I promised I’d find you. I promised I’d keep you safe.”

She turns to face him, and he’s relieved to see recognition in her gaze. “Carlton.”

“Yeah. I’m right here. You’re okay.”

“I…” she takes a deep breath. “You were right. That was a bad idea.”

He snorts humorlessly. “Yeah. That was fucking stupid.”

She leans into him and he realizes she wants a hug. It’s kind of hard, with the console in between them, but her gets his arms around her shoulders and she leans into his chest. “I guess we need to get back to the station,” she sighs.

“No, we don’t. I’m taking you home.”

Juliet lets go of him and sits back in her seat. “Y’know what? That sounds better.”

He drives her back to her place. “See you tomorrow, O’Hara.”

“Goodnight, Carlton.” She gives him a weak smile. “Thank you.”

He nods. “That’s what partners are for.”

**Author's Note:**

> Should I give this a fluffy epilogue? I'm a sucker for Jules and Lassie being siblings. Also, the promise lassie mentions is from this fic I wrote- https://archiveofourown.org/works/17623784 if you're interested in reading a character study of Jules. Thanks for reading!


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